Sunday Patriot News June 22, 2003 Living Section
Personalized rites rise in popularity
By Barbara Tainin Blank
For The Patriot News

When it comes to marriage ceremonies many brides and grooms today are far less wedded to traditional than their parents' generation. A growing number of the 2.4 million couples who get married each year in the United States are personalizing their ceremonies. That's one reason business is thriving for nondenominational ministers such as Sharon Marquart of Lower Allen Twp. And Ann Keeler Evans of Mifflinburg. Both women were ordained by the Universal Life Church in Modesto Calif.

Marquart has performed more than 500 weddings since starting Open Heart Ministries in 1996. Since 1992 Keeler Evans has officiated 500 to 600 unions and marriages. While she holds a master's degree in divinity from Union Theological Seminary in New York City she considers herself more a nondenominational theologian and ritual maker.

Evans also is the author of "Promises to Keep: Crafting Your Wedding Ceremony" (Emerald Earth Publishing). Both women received many of their clients through their Internet sites and also get referrals from catering halls other clergy and word of mouth. Laws on who can perform a wedding ceremony and what the requirements are for couples vary from state to state. In general weddings may legally be performed by judges justices of the peace and ordained ministers. "Most of the 'work' takes place before the wedding in assisting and guiding the couples as they personalize their ceremony" Marquart said.

Couples who turn to Marquart often choose her because they don't feel comfortable with conventional setting or ritual. That was the case with Jamie Fleming and Kevinn Lanier both 25 whose ceremony she officiated recently. "he's an agnostic who likes to do his own thing" Fleming said. "And I'm not Christian. Neither of us belongs to a church." Fleming and Lanier wanted a wedding their parents would feel comfortable with but which reflected their own style. Some of Marquart's ceremonies have taken place at unusual locations.

Michael and Teresa Stoner were married in September at the place they met - Silver Springs Speedway. The time: Between qualifying laps. "We wanted something different" Teresa Stoner 35. "We're both into racing. And my dad has been involved for at least 10 years." Joan and Bruce Stolzfus who recently celebrated their first anniversary had a Western wedding complete with horse-drawn carriage.

"I have had fun creating unusual ceremonies with many couples " Marquart said. "I try to find creative ways to bring in the tradition of one's faith or ancestors that's meaningful for the couple and satisfying for their families." Over the years Marquart has found flexibility as essential part of her ministry. She isn't surprised when someone calls and wants to get married immediately.

"Sometimes the marriage license is about to expire and they ask me to perform a ceremony." She said. "I once married a UPS man who went back to work right away." "I see mine as a ministry of unconditional love." Marquart said. "I'm more about spirituality than religion. I want to honor the couple for where they are in life and what they want." Marquart is gratified to head the kind of comment one of her clients made: "Thank you for not putting us through hoops." Keeler Evans said she likes to meet several times before a wedding to help them personalize ceremonies.

Too often she said wedding couples place little emphasis on vows ritual and the role of community in a public celebration. While she doesn't require formal premarital counseling Keeler Evans ask couples to fill out a questioner about their feelings as well as a Statement of Intent for their marriage to encourage them to better explore their feeling for each other and their goals.

"I choose the couples I work with as carefully as they choose me " Keeler Evans said. "I'm looking for couples whose relationship will withstand the test of time." In her book Keeler Evans stresses that personalizing a ceremony doesn't necessarily mean doing away with traditional rituals but putting a new slant on them while still treating them with reverence. "In that way " Keeler Evans wrote "people can appreciate the need to reclaim ancient rites and have them evolve and change so that they have special meaning for the wedding couple." She says rituals may be borrowed from other cultures and interpreted broadly, with the inclusion of poetry dance and music, statements of spiritual expression and ethnic or national customs that aren't necessarily religious.

According to Keeler Evans, personalizing also means acknowledging the bond being formed between families of the bride and groom at a time when they might live far apart and far from the couple. Ceremonies can incorporate the children of past marriages as well as references to previous relationships.